As a single mom my life has revolved around my children. Now my nest is empty and its time to take all I've learned to a new level.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Monday, August 20, 2012
Moms kitchen table
A place to gather...anyone and everyone who loved my mother sat at her kitchen table. I often wondered why she even had a livingroom? No one sat in there? We'd gather at her table and drink her iced tea I'm a pepper fan but at her table only her tea would do. She too was a single mother with no support or resource. Her story is one I've been paying attention to my whole life one I will continue to tell well after she is gone. To my mother I love you your voice will carry on to save lives as shine down put it through your endevours you will live forever!
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sisters
I come from a history of nothingness my mother had 3 sisters none were present I have 3 sisters only one has been a true sister with all her faults there were greater goods that made her a true sister. Now she is gone I have none I was given only one daughter she's always wanted a sister but never had one?...I'm now blessed with two grand daughters whom I can inspire to be true to each other which only means you accept all the good and the bad you love and stick together. 
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Technology Awareness
Stalking...evasdropping?
The abuser has evolved he now knows he can't leave visible marks on his victim so he takes special care to make sure no one knows the truth. I've dealt with this on many different levels as birth to 18 I took many blows to my head that should have taken me down but I always got back up no one knew no one cared and the story is ignored for the sake of peace in my family.
Now my experience with a stalker if this man gets violent his game is over and he knows it! Technology is the only logical explanation for how he dose what he dose? It's taken some time to come out of denial of this reality that's happening to me. Have you ever felt someone watching you as you turn to catch them they look away as if they were never looking? Did you ever wonder if you didn't see them would you still feel them watching? What if it continued on with bad intent? Over time you're left feeling sick inside. What if they're not watching but rather listening or even worse both? Leaving crazy clues to ensure you don't forget their presence and control in your life. It no longer matters if I ever catch my stalker the technology is real and it needs exposure and awareness. I now know I'm not alone there are many walking this endless path. Without proper resource and support it has no real end. The nature of the circumstances keep the stalker safe from exposure he is in my shadow if I do by chance catch someone it won't be him. It's all a head game he is the source unless I catch him the vicious cycle will continue on without limits. There are ways to fight back but I don't have the resource or support I need to pursue. For instance? A bug detector would be my only real hope of catching him in the act of evasdropping and it's still not a crime without bodily harm.
There are many ways to track another person...gps will track their movement ll you need is a cell phone # and wait for an outgoing call which included voicemail. Listening devices? Both battery and electric devices require a microphone in area you wish to listen to. Electric is run off existing power and requires a lot of work to install? Battery operated is quick but requires a battery pack that only last 36 to 48 hours before it needs new batteries? It must be close to the microphone but easily hidden? Its possible to bug everything from a water glass to an outlet! Then there's the bionic ear this device has no limits! It requires no evidence in the area of concern it can be used everywhere the person chooses to use it at home work or in route! And then there's video I have photo evidence of this suspicion which is where it began to come together to make sense. Aug.1,04 strange wholes in ceiling of all three bedrooms our room had a plastic tube coming from it.
Almost 14 years! I sometimes pray for phyiscal violence so it will end. He terrorizes me with his sneaky head games staying just far enough away so I'm the only witness. I have two other witnesses my two boys whom I was forced to raise alone under these circumstances. Now they are older it's just me! On few occasions he will do something that's obvious to everyone and can't be explained away but not often. I pray my story somehow creates awareness to this technology it's all I have left. I don't know what the solutions are to prevent this crime but we must first recognize it as a crime punishable by law. Why dose phyiscal violence have to happen? If our goal is to save lives then wouldn't it make sense to prevent this kind of behavior? There are many ways to hurt a person and never make a personal contact. The beast of a mans mouth if he is brave enough to say it he should be prepared to suffer a consequence!
The abuser has evolved he now knows he can't leave visible marks on his victim so he takes special care to make sure no one knows the truth. I've dealt with this on many different levels as birth to 18 I took many blows to my head that should have taken me down but I always got back up no one knew no one cared and the story is ignored for the sake of peace in my family.
Now my experience with a stalker if this man gets violent his game is over and he knows it! Technology is the only logical explanation for how he dose what he dose? It's taken some time to come out of denial of this reality that's happening to me. Have you ever felt someone watching you as you turn to catch them they look away as if they were never looking? Did you ever wonder if you didn't see them would you still feel them watching? What if it continued on with bad intent? Over time you're left feeling sick inside. What if they're not watching but rather listening or even worse both? Leaving crazy clues to ensure you don't forget their presence and control in your life. It no longer matters if I ever catch my stalker the technology is real and it needs exposure and awareness. I now know I'm not alone there are many walking this endless path. Without proper resource and support it has no real end. The nature of the circumstances keep the stalker safe from exposure he is in my shadow if I do by chance catch someone it won't be him. It's all a head game he is the source unless I catch him the vicious cycle will continue on without limits. There are ways to fight back but I don't have the resource or support I need to pursue. For instance? A bug detector would be my only real hope of catching him in the act of evasdropping and it's still not a crime without bodily harm.
There are many ways to track another person...gps will track their movement ll you need is a cell phone # and wait for an outgoing call which included voicemail. Listening devices? Both battery and electric devices require a microphone in area you wish to listen to. Electric is run off existing power and requires a lot of work to install? Battery operated is quick but requires a battery pack that only last 36 to 48 hours before it needs new batteries? It must be close to the microphone but easily hidden? Its possible to bug everything from a water glass to an outlet! Then there's the bionic ear this device has no limits! It requires no evidence in the area of concern it can be used everywhere the person chooses to use it at home work or in route! And then there's video I have photo evidence of this suspicion which is where it began to come together to make sense. Aug.1,04 strange wholes in ceiling of all three bedrooms our room had a plastic tube coming from it.
Almost 14 years! I sometimes pray for phyiscal violence so it will end. He terrorizes me with his sneaky head games staying just far enough away so I'm the only witness. I have two other witnesses my two boys whom I was forced to raise alone under these circumstances. Now they are older it's just me! On few occasions he will do something that's obvious to everyone and can't be explained away but not often. I pray my story somehow creates awareness to this technology it's all I have left. I don't know what the solutions are to prevent this crime but we must first recognize it as a crime punishable by law. Why dose phyiscal violence have to happen? If our goal is to save lives then wouldn't it make sense to prevent this kind of behavior? There are many ways to hurt a person and never make a personal contact. The beast of a mans mouth if he is brave enough to say it he should be prepared to suffer a consequence!
Sunday, July 8, 2012
The gypsy trail
Soon my nest will empty out will I ever settle down in one place? For so long I've wanted stability of not moving every year or so! I drag my kids from place to place just like my mother did. Only I prayed for a place to call home I don't think my mother cared. Well I lost that battle my nest empties out and I am homeless am I destined to be a gypsy or will God put me in one place so I can be a grandma? I feel I've been robbed of motherhood I did the best I could but couldn't keep up! I still pray for stability so I can be a grandma but if the plan is to be a gypsy I will do something good with it. Maybe I will travel reach out to others in need of moral support? Maybe I'll do a little of both how else might my grandchildren carry on such a great legacy teach them to care for others save lives...the gypsy trail dosent sound so scary when you put it like that it could be rather rewarding! Anyway it doesnt matter I trust God.amen.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Broken families
My big sister commuted suicide on the fourth of July! What an impact this is having in my life as the only reason I'm here to speak for both of us is because I fear I won't do it right and become a burden for those who love me. If I were successful it would be done with only a recovery to deal with. If I am not then suddenly everyone who loves me would feel the need to watch me?
God I'm so sorry I love and miss knowing she's only a county away already it feels like forever! What I've learned is all 5 of us are suicidal because our mother raised us that way. Dawn is the first to succeed but not the only one to try and/or desire. We have been broken for so long can we put our family in a good place can we restore the bonds that will defeat the sackcloth that makes us all want to die sometimes? In the name of my sister and everything she taught me I want her children in my life. She taught me to draw write sing dance and even to party a little most of that I learned on my own. Her birthday is coming soon she will be 49 on 7-17 so young I believe God takes young people with great purpose in mind if he puts death on display he will use it for a greater good?..the 717 holds a strong but mysterious place in my life which is a whole new story? My God has had my attention now for over 5 years with many clues that say its a reminder of reassurance of the nightmare of a life path I've had to endure? I'm still not sure where my sister will fit in her death isn't a surprise without doubt she has a lot of unfinished business and I seem to have the ability and desire to be a vessel for the angel whispers unfinished business. Big things will soon happen in my life of the spiritual nature the supernatural experience of Gods true presence a merging of our material world and his habitat which I believe will be in the dream lore?
I don't want to stray to far from the topic of this story my sisters suicide! She had no one to care enough to keep her story alive she has a daughter who I hope either knows the whole story of her mothers sackcloth or she will let me tell her so she may know why her mother was the person she was. Dawn was angry although I had to distance myself I understood every emotion and loved her anyway! We can't save our loved ones unless they want to be saved.RIP Drucilla Dawn Sutphin I love you!
God I'm so sorry I love and miss knowing she's only a county away already it feels like forever! What I've learned is all 5 of us are suicidal because our mother raised us that way. Dawn is the first to succeed but not the only one to try and/or desire. We have been broken for so long can we put our family in a good place can we restore the bonds that will defeat the sackcloth that makes us all want to die sometimes? In the name of my sister and everything she taught me I want her children in my life. She taught me to draw write sing dance and even to party a little most of that I learned on my own. Her birthday is coming soon she will be 49 on 7-17 so young I believe God takes young people with great purpose in mind if he puts death on display he will use it for a greater good?..the 717 holds a strong but mysterious place in my life which is a whole new story? My God has had my attention now for over 5 years with many clues that say its a reminder of reassurance of the nightmare of a life path I've had to endure? I'm still not sure where my sister will fit in her death isn't a surprise without doubt she has a lot of unfinished business and I seem to have the ability and desire to be a vessel for the angel whispers unfinished business. Big things will soon happen in my life of the spiritual nature the supernatural experience of Gods true presence a merging of our material world and his habitat which I believe will be in the dream lore?
I don't want to stray to far from the topic of this story my sisters suicide! She had no one to care enough to keep her story alive she has a daughter who I hope either knows the whole story of her mothers sackcloth or she will let me tell her so she may know why her mother was the person she was. Dawn was angry although I had to distance myself I understood every emotion and loved her anyway! We can't save our loved ones unless they want to be saved.RIP Drucilla Dawn Sutphin I love you!
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