Broken families

My big sister commuted suicide on the fourth of July! What an impact this is having in my life as the only reason I'm here to speak for both of us is because I fear I won't do it right and become a burden for those who love me. If I were successful it would be done with only a recovery to deal with. If I am not then suddenly everyone who loves me would feel the need to watch me?
God I'm so sorry I love and miss knowing she's only a county away already it feels like forever! What I've learned is all 5 of us are suicidal because our mother raised us that way. Dawn is the first to succeed but not the only one to try and/or desire. We have been broken for so long can we put our family in a good place can we restore the bonds that will defeat the sackcloth that makes us all want to die sometimes? In the name of my sister and everything she taught me I want her children in my life. She taught me to draw write sing dance and even to party a little most of that I learned on my own. Her birthday is coming soon she will be 49 on 7-17 so young I believe God takes young people with great purpose in mind if he puts death on display he will use it for a greater good?..the 717 holds a strong but mysterious place in my life which is a whole new story? My God has had my attention now for over 5 years with many clues that say its a reminder of reassurance of the nightmare of a life path I've had to endure? I'm still not sure where my sister will fit in her death isn't a surprise without doubt she has a lot of unfinished business and I seem to have the ability and desire to be a vessel for the angel whispers unfinished business. Big things will soon happen in my life of the spiritual nature the supernatural experience of Gods true presence a merging of our material world and his habitat which I believe will be in the dream lore?
I don't want to stray to far from the topic of this story my sisters suicide! She had no one to care enough to keep her story alive she has a daughter who I hope either knows the whole story of her mothers sackcloth or she will let me tell her so she may know why her mother was the person she was. Dawn was angry although I had to distance myself I understood every emotion and loved her anyway! We can't save our loved ones unless they want to be saved.RIP Drucilla Dawn Sutphin I love you!